一直在胡思乱想
快要受不了
很辛苦，真的很难受

i just can't stop thinking.....
confused state of mind
feeling very sucky now
it's like a knife sticking it through my heart

whoever said time is the best medicine obviously had it easy

all the time

they keep flashing back in my head

Hate life

Sleep

I may appear happy

But nobody knows...

why does my heart ache so much

stop crying already........... stop.....

the song tells me to get through it...

but its just so hard to do

ppl think that i'm all happy, enjoying myself

but who really  knows and understand what i am really going through inside of me

hate myself for being this way

so useless...

nope, it still feels the same.

but i still got to put on a mask

if i lose myself tonight

will anyone be by my side

I'm sorry


To those that I hurt

To myself

To everyone

I'm really sorry

I got to help myself

I'm sorry

fuck this world k, seriously...
stop telling me other ppl have it worst cause i dun really give a fucking shit abt other ppl's problemzzzzzzzz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
if i can stop, i would have stop!!!!!!!!!!!!
GOD DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 Think I understand why ppl cut themselves when they are not feeling right

Dear mind

Can u stop playing fuxking mind games with me pls?

Thank u

Fuck la

Lowest point ever, god damn it

I gonna stop messing myself up

Stop talking to myself

Think positive

Kinda sucks

Feels so fucked up

My life's a mess

Have to pretend things are fine

I need help

I should seek help

Going crazy

I hate my life

Screw everything in this world

I hate it

I hate myself

I should go seek help

Why

Idiots

Damn it

Oh god help me please

Cried

Broke down

Tired

Headache

Want to forget

Cried

Tears

Torn

Sad

Depressed

Sad

Angry

Fucked up

Shit

Why

How

Why

Panic

Panic

Worries

What a waste

Down the drain

I dunno

How

Who

What

Why

Bitter

Die

Kill

Hate it

Spinning

Dear lord

Why

Praying

Helpless

Fucked up

Pray

Hate

Emotionally bankrupt

Why

Confused

Damn it

Damn it

Damn it

Damn it

Story
One day, a man was walking along the road and a car smashed into him

The end

Fuck, dumb story

What happened to the old me?

I used to be a very optimistic and happy go lucky person
What happened to the old me?

I used to look forward to things but now in dreading the future
What happened to the old me?

I used to be a very patient person but I do not have the tolerance for any bullshit and nonsense anymore
What happened to the old me?

Anxiety still exists within me

How can I be happy again?

Still not ok and feeling miserable all the time

God help me

I just want to be happy again

horrible week....

it was going smooth, then it just have to go downhill...

stop being a nervous wreak...

idiot... stop being an idiot...

stop...

urgh...............................................................................................................................................................................................

get control of urself and stop freaking out....

stop mumbling and stuttering... u sound like a fool...

fuck......

ed, u are such a loser....

Actually, I should just go screw myself since I'm so screwed up

Screw this world

I hate having to put on a mask in front of others when I'm obviously not feeling okay

Fuck it

Fuck it

Fuck it

Fuck it

to answer my own question, yes, i'm probably mentally ballistic cause who the fuck talks to himself for the past one hour?

does it mean i'm mad if i'm talking to myself openly all the time?

i just want to sleeeeeeepppppppppppppppppppppppppppp

Dear Lord, what should I do... please show me an answer......

dear Lord,

I have been undergoing this pain and darkness for the longest time

and it's tearing me up from the very fabric of my soul, inside out

i want to forget this pain and sorrow that i'm feeling

and all the grief, sadness, anger, resentment towards everything and everyone else

despair and anxiety has been eating me up every waking moment

Please Lord, I pray to you

pls shower me with your blessings and strength for me to move on

pls show me the light towards the path out of this darkness

i am tired and sick of everything and everyone else around me

i just want to be happy and optimistic again

however, if this means inflicting pain and hurt on other people

then Lord, I would rather much shoulder this upon myself and carry on

Thank You Lord,

for listening to me

i will start to pray more and i want to be happy again

I have been having anxiety and panic attacks recently.

Hands and feet keep trembling and shivering

The heart rate goes haywire

Anxious feelings keeps coming in waves after waves

Gone is my appetite for food

And I have not been feeling happy for the longest time

It really sucks to be me

i hate my life

period

nothing to live for anyway