nope, it still feels the same.

but i still got to put on a mask

if i lose myself tonight

will anyone be by my side

I'm sorry


To those that I hurt

To myself

To everyone

I'm really sorry

I got to help myself

I'm sorry

fuck this world k, seriously...
stop telling me other ppl have it worst cause i dun really give a fucking shit abt other ppl's problemzzzzzzzz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
if i can stop, i would have stop!!!!!!!!!!!!
GOD DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 Think I understand why ppl cut themselves when they are not feeling right

Dear mind

Can u stop playing fuxking mind games with me pls?

Thank u

Fuck la

Lowest point ever, god damn it

I gonna stop messing myself up

Stop talking to myself

Think positive

Kinda sucks

Feels so fucked up

My life's a mess

Have to pretend things are fine

I need help

I should seek help

Going crazy

I hate my life

Screw everything in this world

I hate it

I hate myself

I should go seek help

Why

Idiots

Damn it

Oh god help me please

Cried

Broke down

Tired

Headache

Want to forget

Cried

Tears

Torn

Sad

Depressed

Sad

Angry

Fucked up

Shit

Why

How

Why

Panic

Panic

Worries

What a waste

Down the drain

I dunno

How

Who

What

Why

Bitter

Die

Kill

Hate it

Spinning

Dear lord

Why

Praying

Helpless

Fucked up

Pray

Hate

Emotionally bankrupt

Why

Confused

Damn it

Damn it

Damn it

Damn it

Story
One day, a man was walking along the road and a car smashed into him

The end

Fuck, dumb story

What happened to the old me?

I used to be a very optimistic and happy go lucky person
What happened to the old me?

I used to look forward to things but now in dreading the future
What happened to the old me?

I used to be a very patient person but I do not have the tolerance for any bullshit and nonsense anymore
What happened to the old me?

Anxiety still exists within me

How can I be happy again?

Still not ok and feeling miserable all the time

God help me

I just want to be happy again

horrible week....

it was going smooth, then it just have to go downhill...

stop being a nervous wreak...

idiot... stop being an idiot...

stop...

urgh...............................................................................................................................................................................................

get control of urself and stop freaking out....

stop mumbling and stuttering... u sound like a fool...

fuck......

ed, u are such a loser....

Actually, I should just go screw myself since I'm so screwed up

Screw this world

I hate having to put on a mask in front of others when I'm obviously not feeling okay

Fuck it

Fuck it

Fuck it

Fuck it

to answer my own question, yes, i'm probably mentally ballistic cause who the fuck talks to himself for the past one hour?

does it mean i'm mad if i'm talking to myself openly all the time?

i just want to sleeeeeeepppppppppppppppppppppppppppp

Dear Lord, what should I do... please show me an answer......

dear Lord,

I have been undergoing this pain and darkness for the longest time

and it's tearing me up from the very fabric of my soul, inside out

i want to forget this pain and sorrow that i'm feeling

and all the grief, sadness, anger, resentment towards everything and everyone else

despair and anxiety has been eating me up every waking moment

Please Lord, I pray to you

pls shower me with your blessings and strength for me to move on

pls show me the light towards the path out of this darkness

i am tired and sick of everything and everyone else around me

i just want to be happy and optimistic again

however, if this means inflicting pain and hurt on other people

then Lord, I would rather much shoulder this upon myself and carry on

Thank You Lord,

for listening to me

i will start to pray more and i want to be happy again

I have been having anxiety and panic attacks recently.

Hands and feet keep trembling and shivering

The heart rate goes haywire

Anxious feelings keeps coming in waves after waves

Gone is my appetite for food

And I have not been feeling happy for the longest time

It really sucks to be me

i hate my life

period

nothing to live for anyway

why do i feel as though ppl do not understand me at times?

Or maybe, i just do not conform to other people's standards

我想我应该过不了自己那一关

去到哪，都有你的影子，

做什么，都是你的记忆

没办法，放不下就是放不下

在朋友家人面前显得坚强，但是心还是很痛

一个人的时候，眼泪不停的掉

好想好好的狠，却决不下心

只能好好的享受这酸痛的滋味把

好累，好累

以为放个假，会好一些

但是到最后还是空空的感觉

好累，好累......

stop my aching heart.....stop......

i take a look at it everynight before i could sleep

massive impact on me

bittersweet

funny thoughts have been in my head all day

还是很。。。。。。。。。你。。。。。

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=38lcQsEMGrk&feature=fvst

你說呢 明知你不在 還是會問
空氣 卻不能代替你 出聲
習慣 像永不癒合 的固執傷痕
一思念就撕裂靈魂

把相片 讓你能保存 多洗一本
毛衣 也為你準備多 一層
但是 你孤單時刻 安慰的體溫
怎麼為你多留一份

我不願讓你一個人 一個人在人海浮沉
我不願你獨自走過 風雨的 時分
我不願讓你一個人 承受這世界的殘忍
我不願眼淚陪你到 永恆

你走後 愛情的遺跡 像是空城遺落
你杯子手套和 笑聲
最後 你只帶走你 脆弱和單純
和我最放不下的人

也許未來 你會找到 懂你疼你 更好的人
下段旅程 你一定要 更幸福豐盛

我不願讓你一個人 一個人在人海浮沉
我不願你獨自走過 風雨的 時分
我不願讓你一個人 承受這世界的殘忍
我不願眼淚陪你到 永恆

你說呢 明知你不在 還是會問
只因 習慣你滿足的 眼神
只是 我最後一個 奢求的可能
只求你有快樂人生
只求命運 帶你去一段 全新的旅程
往幸福的天涯飛奔

別回頭就往前飛奔
請忘了我還 一個人

為何我們還是要奔向各算的幸福和遺憾中老去

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcpzfYQi_IU

最怕空氣突然安靜　
最怕朋友突然的關心
最怕回憶　突然翻滾絞痛著 不平息
最怕突然　聽到你的消息

想念如果會有聲音　不願那是悲傷的哭泣
事到如今　終於讓自己屬於　我自己
只剩眼淚　還騙不過自己

突然好想你　你會在哪裡　
過得快樂或委屈
突然好想你　突然鋒利的回憶　
突然模糊的眼睛

我們像一首最美麗的歌曲　變成兩部悲傷的電影
為什麼你　帶我走過最難忘的旅行然後留下　最痛的紀念品

我們　那麼甜那麼美那麼相信　那麼瘋那麼熱烈的曾經
為何我們還是要奔向各算的幸福和遺憾中老去

突然好想你　你會在哪裡　過得快樂或委屈
突然好想你　突然鋒利的回憶　突然模糊的眼睛

最怕空氣突然安靜　最怕朋友突然的關心
最怕回憶　突然翻滾絞痛著　不平息
最怕突然　聽到你的消息

最怕此生　已經決心自己過　沒有你　
卻又突然　聽到你的消息

有沒有過，在一個場合覺得自己不屬於那裡？

明明每一張面孔都十分熟悉，明明身邊充滿著笑聲。

應該要很開心的，卻覺得特別孤單。

很想哭很想哭，以前的我很愛哭的，總認為這是一種很好的發洩，哭過了，就好了。

這世界上沒有什麼事情是過不去的。

可是這一次，心在哭泣，臉在笑，眼淚流不出來。

我的心離家出走，不想回來了。

which is worse?

not being happy, or getting used to not being happy?

i have forgotten how does happiness feels like and it's a feeling that i'm getting accustomed to

Mood disorder

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mood_disorders

i wonder which one i'm having right now

i just wanna die

好想从头再爱你多一篇

looking back at my past postings all the way from the beginning, i realised that i was so god damn articulate in my choice of words and some of my postings were pretty nifty in the witty sense.

was i so good???

hahahaa... there you go again, the big-headed symptom is coming out again!!

perhaps i should post more regularly about stuff so that my brain will not go into waste.

okay, no more one-lined posts anymore!!!

all the little games that we play....

i know what i should do now

我做男人真的是彻底的失败.

I hope that I get knocked down by a car and die so that at least there will be one less suffering party and the whole pain will end

it's tougher and harder than i thought

原来真心真意爱着一个人是不够的。。。

the pouring weather is exactly how i'm feeling right now

i don't ask for much in life actually.

i just want to be happy

why is this so fucking hard to attain?

to others, it seems that i' m always smiling and joking ard these couple of week

they have absolutely no idea the pain that i'm going through

fuck you life

i'm better off dead

i just wanna tell you that you don't have to put so much stress on your shoulders and bear the burden all the time...

i'm really worried that you will break one day....

just take a deep breath and relax...

it's ok to fall at times cause we are only humans, it's really ok.

whatever it is, just do what is needed and required and do not keep thinking of the what ifs

it's ok to set high standards for yourself but to take things easy once in a while cause you might just suffocate under the weight of your expectations

i'll always be by your side and be your upport beam for you to lean on whenever you feel tired or down

this is my promise to you

luv you, ASL

it's a sign of old age when your body is failing and the love handles are popping

watching NDP on TV made me realise that National Day truly has no meaning to me

I may be all smiles all the time, but I'm really a pessimistic person

i know i'm gonna feel like shit later

I AM IN DESPERATE NEED OF SLEEP

zzzz.....

i think my secret ambition is really to be a fashionista

i hope this will drive me to quit the bleedy habit

my stomach is screwing me up badly

I hate the look of my body whenever I look into the mirror.

Need to work out like crazy.....

it totally sucks to be feeling sick during your break

it's never about the things you've done for them, but always about the things you don't do for them.

what did i do or say again???

haiz...

i can't bear this pain....... omg.....it hurts deeper than i thought......

i love you Alicia Lee

when will i fucking grow up??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

if being free from this will make you feel happy, then so be it.....

heartbroken........

pain.........

regrets.......

tears.........

heartbroken........

pain.........

regrets.......

tears.........

stupid shitty stuff tends to happen to me alot

i miss her very much...

actually, i feel like dying at times, if not for the ties that bind me to this world, and the courage that I lack

cross roads

uncertainty reigns but i got to be strong

i really shouldn't think too much about it and move on, but it just gets so upsetting whenever i look back

always always always always always

i want to be run over by a truck

i want a brick to fall onto my head

i want to tumble over a flight of stairs and break my neck

i want to stop breathing

i want to go away in peace

emotional roller-coaster

sometimes, i wish that i can have mind-reading powers...

had an awesome day...

thanks darling....

you're truly great and wonderful

perhaps i should be more assertive at times

a break finally........

and thing are actually tarting to look up!

i know you are the one for me.


i know i want to spend my old years with you.


i know i want to pass on before you do, so that i wouldn't suffer being alone should you go first.


if the skies were to open a hole, i would want to reach out for the stars and pluck one for you


if my heart does not know how to love one day, it will happen because you may not be there anymore


all in all, after all the above,


i just want to say,


i love you...

note to myself:

there are things that are beyond you, things that you can't change, and things that you should accept

but i can't take the fact that despite doing things, things are still not working out

been a bloody six months already, and yet results have been pathetic to say the least

what do i need to do to change this.....or is this really beyond my fucking control....

needing a break......

looking forward to it....

damm fucking tired....

i kinda miss blogging in a way

it gives me an avenue to express my thoughts, my frustrations, my feelings and my everything

someone gets upset if i do this

others get upset if i do that

do everything, yet the whole world gets upset

don't do anything, everyone will get upset

i can never do anything right to please everybody

maybe everything may be better if i just die

it sucks to be me at times

and it's happening all over again.....

why am i so blind each and everytime.....

i still haven't learn my lessons yet......

and this has come back to haunt my life again....

haizzzz............

sometimes, i wish i could do more with my life.....

it's as if something is out there, waiting for me, but yet it seems so far away

if i could turn back time, there's a lot of stuff that i would change

but guess it's too late for that now...

i still love her lots...

the terror that I face day in and out

not being able to retaliate against someone who slaps me, scratches my face, licks me at times, screams in my ears.... loving every moment of it when it's just a 9 months old baby doing it =p

have been going manga crazy these few days... more specifically I'm going thru a One Piece phase now... trying to complete 500++ chapters within the next few days... Nuts!

another week of freedom before I officially start work... All the best for me!!!

saw her back today... hmm...

baby album

http://www.pbase.com/tomato_photo/wai_yee

Lessons learnt from Genting Trip

1- Always bring along a jacket or sweater if one does not aspire to freeze to death in the smothering cold

2- Never, ever smoke in a hotel room if one does not aspire to sleep in a smelly room at night

3- Never ever go against the house in the casino if the house has been winning all the way

4- Aspire to win only half of your capital and walk away if intended target is met

5- Japanese food in Genting sucks big time

6- Bring your passport/IC with you at all times if you have a face of a young punk like me

7- Shopping can actually be fun in Genting

8- Hot, fried chicken is quite yummy in Genting

9- Starbucks is freakin expensive everywhere in the world

10- Sipping hot coffee, munching on donuts while taking a fag is quite shiok in a cold environment

going back there, really brings back some fond memories...

memories that were hidden away, only to be brought out when faced with the familiar surroundings...

why do my heart always feel so bittersweet when I see her face...