it's a sign of old age when your body is failing and the love handles are popping

watching NDP on TV made me realise that National Day truly has no meaning to me

I may be all smiles all the time, but I'm really a pessimistic person

i know i'm gonna feel like shit later

I AM IN DESPERATE NEED OF SLEEP

zzzz.....

i think my secret ambition is really to be a fashionista

i hope this will drive me to quit the bleedy habit

my stomach is screwing me up badly

I hate the look of my body whenever I look into the mirror.

Need to work out like crazy.....

it totally sucks to be feeling sick during your break

it's never about the things you've done for them, but always about the things you don't do for them.

what did i do or say again???

haiz...

i can't bear this pain....... omg.....it hurts deeper than i thought......

i love you Alicia Lee

when will i fucking grow up??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

if being free from this will make you feel happy, then so be it.....

heartbroken........

pain.........

regrets.......

tears.........

heartbroken........

pain.........

regrets.......

tears.........

stupid shitty stuff tends to happen to me alot

i miss her very much...

actually, i feel like dying at times, if not for the ties that bind me to this world, and the courage that I lack

cross roads

uncertainty reigns but i got to be strong

i really shouldn't think too much about it and move on, but it just gets so upsetting whenever i look back

always always always always always

i want to be run over by a truck

i want a brick to fall onto my head

i want to tumble over a flight of stairs and break my neck

i want to stop breathing

i want to go away in peace

emotional roller-coaster

sometimes, i wish that i can have mind-reading powers...

had an awesome day...

thanks darling....

you're truly great and wonderful

perhaps i should be more assertive at times

a break finally........

and thing are actually tarting to look up!

i know you are the one for me.


i know i want to spend my old years with you.


i know i want to pass on before you do, so that i wouldn't suffer being alone should you go first.


if the skies were to open a hole, i would want to reach out for the stars and pluck one for you


if my heart does not know how to love one day, it will happen because you may not be there anymore


all in all, after all the above,


i just want to say,


i love you...

note to myself:

there are things that are beyond you, things that you can't change, and things that you should accept

but i can't take the fact that despite doing things, things are still not working out

been a bloody six months already, and yet results have been pathetic to say the least

what do i need to do to change this.....or is this really beyond my fucking control....

needing a break......

looking forward to it....

damm fucking tired....

i kinda miss blogging in a way

it gives me an avenue to express my thoughts, my frustrations, my feelings and my everything

someone gets upset if i do this

others get upset if i do that

do everything, yet the whole world gets upset

don't do anything, everyone will get upset

i can never do anything right to please everybody

maybe everything may be better if i just die

it sucks to be me at times

and it's happening all over again.....

why am i so blind each and everytime.....

i still haven't learn my lessons yet......

and this has come back to haunt my life again....

haizzzz............

sometimes, i wish i could do more with my life.....

it's as if something is out there, waiting for me, but yet it seems so far away

if i could turn back time, there's a lot of stuff that i would change

but guess it's too late for that now...

i still love her lots...

the terror that I face day in and out

not being able to retaliate against someone who slaps me, scratches my face, licks me at times, screams in my ears.... loving every moment of it when it's just a 9 months old baby doing it =p

have been going manga crazy these few days... more specifically I'm going thru a One Piece phase now... trying to complete 500++ chapters within the next few days... Nuts!

another week of freedom before I officially start work... All the best for me!!!

saw her back today... hmm...

baby album

http://www.pbase.com/tomato_photo/wai_yee

Lessons learnt from Genting Trip

1- Always bring along a jacket or sweater if one does not aspire to freeze to death in the smothering cold

2- Never, ever smoke in a hotel room if one does not aspire to sleep in a smelly room at night

3- Never ever go against the house in the casino if the house has been winning all the way

4- Aspire to win only half of your capital and walk away if intended target is met

5- Japanese food in Genting sucks big time

6- Bring your passport/IC with you at all times if you have a face of a young punk like me

7- Shopping can actually be fun in Genting

8- Hot, fried chicken is quite yummy in Genting

9- Starbucks is freakin expensive everywhere in the world

10- Sipping hot coffee, munching on donuts while taking a fag is quite shiok in a cold environment

going back there, really brings back some fond memories...

memories that were hidden away, only to be brought out when faced with the familiar surroundings...

why do my heart always feel so bittersweet when I see her face...

As they were talking about their stuff last night, I can't help but feel that I really should be reading and be expanding my horizon over such matters. Although I do make it a point to keep myself informed on such stuff, but then I guess all I do is to absorb the info without really going deeper and analysing enough to come to any meaningful conclusion. Perhaps it's because of their daily jobs that allows them to have a more thorough understanding of stuff, but I guess I feel I should really be more ...what's the word to use.... gung-ho in this aspect if I really want to go into this sector.

pulling a veil to cover the emptiness

can only do that much to conceal the loss

i thought that I could handle my emotions well....

...apparently I couldn't...

bumped into her...

looked at her...

smiled at her...

walked away from her...

Before I die...

photography

diving

sky-diving

back-packing across Europe, Japan, India

Kashmir plains

staying in NYC

i guess it gets to a point when one just doesn't feel like blogging about anything and everything... perhaps life's getting pretty mundane..? I don't know..... but looking back on my posts, I've realised that I have lots of things to talk about whenever I'm in a r/ship that's going great.

When things don't turn out well, or when shit happens, it's either a few words here and there, or just complete silence... Perhaps one would love to share his/her happiness to others and just have the tendency to express the feelings of joy openly. When it comes to shitty stuff, one would just clam up and turn inwards into his/her own shell and choose to remain and suffer in silence. Or perhaps, it's just me that's feeling this way.

interviews coming up... hoping for all the best!!

looking at their photos... reminds me of a year back....

way way way down.....

feeling so empty now....

weird.... considering that I wanted it myself....

down....down...down...down...down....

it will be nice if that someone could just show some concern and care....

but then, it seems that this will never be fulfilled....

end of a journey...?

seems that way to me...

finally... papers are over!! After months and months of preparations, the hurdles I had to go through were quite tough, but nonetheless, it's finally gone!!

feel somewhat loss though...probably because i'm used to facing the books the whole bloody day...

i hereby declare that i am officially unemployed now!!

cigges, red bull and coffee

my diet for the past one month, and the next few weeks

chiong ah!!

one more day before the first paper... getting the kick now....

time to purchase lotsa lotsa red bull now.....

jiayou!!!

i think it's pretty hopeless already

wake up

go sch

mug

lunch

mug

nap

mug

dinner

mug

home

bath

online

sleep

wake up..

and the cycle goes on and on

xian ah!!

after reading the news, and seeing footages of the diaster, my heart really sank... hopefully the govt won't be that stuborn and got ahead with that useless referrendum this wekeend and concentrate on the urgent task at hand..

on on hand, i do get tired of carrying on if things remain so hopeless

on the other hand, i think to myself why should i even bother to do anything at all

but then, I don't really wanna give this up yet

then again, my heart's feeling quite numb towards this












idiotic heart...

wow.... i didn't know that Fri night has an emo effect on folks who had a glass or two.... kinda contagious in a sense...

and what the hell was i thinking of when i went to cut all my hair off.... -_-""""

it's always nice to have good friends ard u

at least they're always there when u need them

but then, come to think of it...

what am i holding on for anyway if there's not much left...

kinda regretful now...

have a feeling that... this may end things....

one more month

one more month

one month b4 the final lap!!

i don't know what i'm doing anymore...

skin is like totally burnt la....
pain pain pain pain pain!!!

And just when I thought that my heart couldn't sink any further after that day, it just goes on and sink to even deeper depths that I've have never known....

Heaven has a nice way of playing this kinda tricks on you....

this is just damm funny la...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LbRNQErHBgg&feature=related

Fri night was dope man.... absolutely crazy!!

ok, i know what to do now...

but will i be able to do it....

i don't know... but i'm just tired already..

and don't want to drag things on too...

just do it....and get things done with ba....

i want to be happy.....

曹格有一首歌，叫作世界唯一的你
歌词里是这么写:
我愿意付出一切交换
我灵魂的另一半

and there's another part that goes:

就算让我伤尽天理
我什么都愿意为你
紧紧拥抱唯一的你
无可救药的坚定
就是世界与我为敌
我也愿意 我什么都愿意

love those lyrics…

thinking back...

I remember u told me once

that u will look for me if I go missing one day...

somehow...

I highly doubt that u will do the things that u said....

maybe this is just retribution for the things I did previously....

actually all i want is simple....

spending time with the significant half...

sharing joys and sorrows together..

being able to tell each other stuff....

caring and being concerned to one another...

all that i want is simple contentment...


seems that it's harder than scaling the highest mountain....

曹格 - 無辜

http://youtube.com/watch?v=7Mon-XpWLyw

也许这是最后的考验
当我再度遇见了你
是命运捆绑了我们
还是爱情相信了记忆
你的欺骗没有让我掉下眼泪
爱本善变的痛楚并非你的罪

爱是无辜的风筝
拉着最在乎的人
情已逝 我还在
注定一个人流浪

爱是断线的风筝
挣脱一开始的梦
黑暗中 一步步
的坠落红尘

给不起的是你的天真
为了他你学会否认
不承认你给过青春
曾经爱过我的每一分
我多伤心宁成全你和他的吻
只好对自己的痛楚
不负责任

爱是无辜的风筝
拉着最在乎的人
情已逝 我还在
注定一个人流浪

爱是断线的风筝
挣脱一开始的梦
黑暗中 一步步
的坠落红尘

无法挽救的温存
我是残破的风筝
宁愿在遥远的天空
看你转过身决定
去实现你和他的承诺

爱是无辜的风筝
拉着最在乎的人
情已逝 我还在
注定一个人流浪

爱是断线的风筝
挣脱一开始的梦
黑暗中 一步步
的坠落红尘

也许这是最后的考验
当我再度遇见了你

what happened...

how...

why...

from being together as a couple

to being together like strangers

maybe this should had never started

maybe we should had not met..

最遥远的距离....就是两个人在感情里...却像两个陌生人一样....无言无句...

from now onwards, i shall be known as the "2-3 hour every week" bf ... pathetic...

no wonder song writers get paid so much.... trying to think of lyrics is not an easy thing la!!

pathetic fool

that's who i am

Jay Concert

Rocks big time!!!!

Just the thing to end my day on a super high!!!

plans

Targets to meet for the new year

1. Get my drivers license by end of this year
2. Secure a job within the private banking sector or as an analyst in the investment field
3. Take more self responsibility
4. Bring my parents on a tour to Taiwan
5. Save enough for a trip to Europe with Joe at end of year
6. Pass the 1st paper of CFA
7. Be more proactive in doing stuff

Working towards those goals now!!!

彩虹

http://youtube.com/watch?v=RW5R25QH7_s

哪里有彩虹告诉我　
能不能把我的愿望还给我
为什么天这么安静　
所有的云都跑到我这里

有没有口罩一个给我　
释怀说了太多就成真不了　
也许时间是一种解药　
也是我现在正服下的毒药

看不见你的笑我怎么睡得着　
你的身影这么近我却抱不到　
没有地球　太阳还是会绕　
没有理由　我也能自己走

你要离开　我知道很简单　
你说依赖　是我们的阻碍　
就算放开　但能不能别没收我的爱　
当作我最后才明白

有没有口罩一个给我　
释怀说了太多就成真不了　
也许时间是一种解药　
也是我现在正服下的毒药

看不见你的笑我怎么睡得着　
你的身影这么近我却抱不到　
没有地球　太阳还是会绕　
没有理由　我也能自己走

你要离开　我知道很简单　
你说依赖　是我们的阻碍　
就算放开　但能不能别没收我的爱　
当作我最后才明白

看不见你的笑　要我怎么睡的着　
你的身影这么近我却抱不到
没有地球太阳还是会绕会绕　
没有理由我也能自己走掉
释怀说了太多就成真不了
也许时间是一种解药解药　
也是我现在正服下的毒药

你要离开　我知道很简单　
你说依赖　是我们的阻碍　
就算放开　但能不能别没收我的爱　
当作我最后才明白

was reading through an article by a columnist in 8 Days earlier... The writer was talking about how long his flatmate was not getting any and was feeling abit cranky. Together with his other friends, upon realising that it has also been quite a super long time since they saw any action either, it got them thinking if there was anything wrong with them..

Hmm... is not getting any piece of action for a period of time considered not normal.... How come I don't feel it that way.... but upon reflecting on the last time.... wah..... it's really been quite a while....



hmm......

now that i ponder back...

i wonder....

should i had been so forgiving, given that the hurt is quite deep...

given that the heart was quite broken...

given the trust has been so shattered...

or perhaps i should be gracious...

and let bygones be bygones...

whatever it is...

all i know is that...

i ain't so trusting now...

and there's a sire wound that's just festering in my heart...

maybe time will heal it...

..

..


but only time will tell if it will ever heals.....

can't fucking sleep...

can't fucking sleep..

why can't i fucking sleep...

why can't i just discard all thoughts and just fucking sleep...

i just want to have a fucking nice sleep...

why am i thinking so fucking much, and making myself fucking sad...

i just want to fucking sleep....

feeling more and more disillusioned with this r/ship ....

somehow... i feel that even if she were to forgive me...

things will still be the same...

we still wouldn't spend quality time together..

she will continue to spend more time with her friends and colleagues...

and i'll still have to depend on my luck to see if she's free....

it's like i have to make pre-appointments with her before i can get to even see her...

feels like i'm placed at the very last of her list...

or maybe... i'm really am the least of her piorities...

that's quite sad..isnt't it...

for someone to place the significant other at the bottom.....




oh well.... it's not as if i haven't been through this before.....

a new addition to my bundle of joys

Rise and shine!!

Hear me roar!! Raarr!!!!!

Peacefully sleeping

I surrender!!

ZZZzzzzz...

the 1st bundle of joy in a suit... looks damm smart..just like his uncle!!

The 2nd bundle of joy.... Pink hairband!!

3 generations!!

why am i harbouring such thoughts?

it appears that I am not as easy-going as I've always thought myself to be

why am i going down this road?

it seems that I may not know myself that well afterall

why am I writing down these words?

I dunno...

Maybe these are my true feelings all along...