Elections here!!! But then, there's no opposition contesting here, so it's a walkover. Ah... no chance to vote. Haha, dar have a chance to vote, though i suspect she might find it a hassle to travel all the way back to Tampines just to cast a piece of paper into a box. My thoughts... 1- Burn the Floor is really an excellent production. The dancers were all so awesome, the way they move, their flair, their style, their looks... The dancers were all either very handsome or very pretty. Switching easily from ballroom to Broadway style, from jive to salsa, they were technically astute. A pity it was a 1 hour matinee, not the usual 2 hr show. Oh well, at least the tickets are free, so I ain't complaining much.
2- Rushed to City Harvest Church after catching the dance production. My 1st thoughts upon reaching there is that it is like a concert. What with all the singing, and the jumping up and down, it really was an eye-opener to me, even though I had expected that CHC’s services were not ordinary compared to other churches. Haha, seeing Felicia onstage performing is really different from seeing her at work. Guess being onstage brings out a totally different side to a person. It’s just like saw Dar’s performance at MOS. I remember seeing Dar perform that night. I was pretty fascinated, that there is this side of Dar which I had never seen before. Hehe, the missus will surely be questioning me later when she sees this…..
Anyway, after attending CHC’s service, I must admit that the pastor is a good speaker. Hmm… but actually, after attending 2 of their services, I come to the conclusion that all pastors are good speakers. Maybe the political parties should consider hiring them as spokesperson for their rallies!!
I’ve noticed one thing about CHC and that most of its congregation are pretty young. My mum, upon learning that I went to CHC ( as usual, she rumbled my bag, and saw some of the CHC stuff), and asked me about CHC, and went on saying that CHC appeals to young teens in their 17-18, and keep asking people for money. I was about to refute the words she said, when I recalled that there WERE a lot of young people, and upon attending 2 services, well… there was an emphasis on donations. A part of the service that I found to be a little unsettling was when they actually showed a presentation about how much each individual should give according to their status. I mean.. come on… how much one should give should be up to them, shouldn’t it? And another thing about CHC was how it proclaims to be the best church here.. Hmm… I mean if you’re talking about a corporation, or a school or a sports team, it’s ok, as there’re RESULTS to show for, e.g. sporting results, profits and academic results. But this is a RELIGIOUS organization. Come one, even though I’m a free thinker, but ain’t you serving the Almighty One? Does having the largest congregation means that one is actually the best one out there???
I know Dar will want me to go there again…but I don’t find myself attending CHC… firstly, because I’m a free thinker, and secondly, I don’t particularly like CHC’s style… especially during their prayers in tongue… it’s quite unsettling to say the least… I don’t mean to be insensitive or whatsoever.. but when I first heard it… it freaked me out. It totally did, seeing everyone around me doing that…
3- Work’s ending soon… and its time to evaluate my options again…. Full-time studies??? But there will be no income… no money… and I really do want to let mummy take a break.. this morning, when I was watching TV, and Mummy was feeding KaiLin some stuff (like what she always does). I took a look on her face.. and suddenly, I realized that she looked really tired and worn-out.. it was kinda..sad.. that mummy actually looked like that… and then, I recalled what Waiyee’s friends said about Mummy on that trip to Down Under.. that Mummy was really energetic and fun with on that trip, and that she was quite refreshed… made me wanna provide Mummy with a trip too!! Anyway.. the point is that, its either work or study.. and if I study… mummy and father will have to provide for me.. and I really don’t wish for that… oh well… take things at a step ba….
Sunday, April 30, 2006
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
flirt quiz
| You Are a Natural Flirt |
 |
Monday, April 17, 2006
you ain't what you say
to you:
please don't ever say those again
you are not what you say
nobody thinks you are what you say
trust me, nobody will love you
if you are really what you say
and guess what,
there's a chipmunkie who's still in love with you,
and you know why?
that's because you AIN'T what you say
please don't ever say those again
you are not what you say
nobody thinks you are what you say
trust me, nobody will love you
if you are really what you say
and guess what,
there's a chipmunkie who's still in love with you,
and you know why?
that's because you AIN'T what you say
Thursday, April 13, 2006
13 april 2006
was chatting with jo and lee earlier. finally, lee's dream gal (DG) has gave him an answer, saying that she feels more comfortable as friends, and asking lee whether she must be really forced into accepting this courtship. lee had replied, saying that it's ok, but then earlier on, he retracted on his answer, telling us that he should had said yes instead.
all i can say is.... WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT OF DOING THIS???????
obviously she prefers to be friends
obviously she's been saying or hinting that she's not interested
its so damm bloody obvious
and you still dun want to give up hope, you still want to force people to accept you
haizz... what can i say.. sometimes... preserverance do pay off all the time...
i'm only saying this as a buddy... don't waste your time, money and energy on her
MOVE ON!!!!
on to another buddy of mine
hmm.... last time... he used to be very persistent... in r/ships...
sometimes i feel that he's like a cockroach.. not in a negative sense.. but in a way that he juz keeps pursing and pursing and pursing
and now, the opposite is happening to him. JZ is the one, who keeps wanting him for answers, even though Jo has made it clear... (its prety complicated, and i dunno how to write this down)
well... if you really feel that... its more out of obligation.. then there's not much point in staying on.... if you feel that way... well, i juz kinda find it a pity, after all your efforts... oh well...
Just don't regret whatever chocies you may make.
on to a more positive side of things....
juz 3 words
I MISS YOU BABY!!!!!!!
opps... that's 4 words... heheheheee...
all i can say is.... WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT OF DOING THIS???????
obviously she prefers to be friends
obviously she's been saying or hinting that she's not interested
its so damm bloody obvious
and you still dun want to give up hope, you still want to force people to accept you
haizz... what can i say.. sometimes... preserverance do pay off all the time...
i'm only saying this as a buddy... don't waste your time, money and energy on her
MOVE ON!!!!
on to another buddy of mine
hmm.... last time... he used to be very persistent... in r/ships...
sometimes i feel that he's like a cockroach.. not in a negative sense.. but in a way that he juz keeps pursing and pursing and pursing
and now, the opposite is happening to him. JZ is the one, who keeps wanting him for answers, even though Jo has made it clear... (its prety complicated, and i dunno how to write this down)
well... if you really feel that... its more out of obligation.. then there's not much point in staying on.... if you feel that way... well, i juz kinda find it a pity, after all your efforts... oh well...
Just don't regret whatever chocies you may make.
on to a more positive side of things....
juz 3 words
I MISS YOU BABY!!!!!!!
opps... that's 4 words... heheheheee...
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
I'm a nine!!
Test that i took from dar:
the PeacemakerTest finished!
you chose BX - your Enneagram type is NINE.
"I am at peace"
Peacemakers are receptive, good-natured, and supportive. They seek union with others and the world around them.
How to Get Along with Me
If you want me to do something, how you ask is important. I especially don't like expectations or pressure.
I like to listen and to be of service, but don't take advantage of this.
Listen until I finish speaking, even though I meander a bit.
Give me time to finish things and make decisions. It's OK to nudge me gently and nonjudgmentally.
Ask me questions to help me get clear.
Tell me when you like how I look. I'm not averse to flattery.
Hug me, show physical affection. It opens me up to my feelings.
I like a good discussion but not a confrontation.
Let me know you like what I've done or said.
Laugh with me and share in my enjoyment of life.
What I Like About Being a Nine
being nonjudgmental and accepting
caring for and being concerned about others
being able to relax and have a good time
knowing that most people enjoy my company; I'm easy to be around
my ability to see many different sides of an issue and to be a good mediator and facilitator
my heightened awareness of sensations, aesthetics, and the here and now
being able to go with the flow and feel one with the universe
What's Hard About Being a Nine
being judged and misunderstood for being placid and/or indecisive
being critical of myself for lacking initiative and discipline
being too sensitive to criticism; taking every raised eyebrow and twitch of the mouth personally
being confused about what I really want
caring too much about what others will think of me
not being listened to or taken seriously
Nines as Children Often
feel ignored and that their wants, opinions, and feelings are unimportant
tune out a lot, especially when others argue
are "good" children: deny anger or keep it to themselves
Nines as Parents
are supportive, kind, and warm
are sometimes overly permissive or nondirective
the PeacemakerTest finished!
you chose BX - your Enneagram type is NINE.
"I am at peace"
Peacemakers are receptive, good-natured, and supportive. They seek union with others and the world around them.
How to Get Along with Me
If you want me to do something, how you ask is important. I especially don't like expectations or pressure.
I like to listen and to be of service, but don't take advantage of this.
Listen until I finish speaking, even though I meander a bit.
Give me time to finish things and make decisions. It's OK to nudge me gently and nonjudgmentally.
Ask me questions to help me get clear.
Tell me when you like how I look. I'm not averse to flattery.
Hug me, show physical affection. It opens me up to my feelings.
I like a good discussion but not a confrontation.
Let me know you like what I've done or said.
Laugh with me and share in my enjoyment of life.
What I Like About Being a Nine
being nonjudgmental and accepting
caring for and being concerned about others
being able to relax and have a good time
knowing that most people enjoy my company; I'm easy to be around
my ability to see many different sides of an issue and to be a good mediator and facilitator
my heightened awareness of sensations, aesthetics, and the here and now
being able to go with the flow and feel one with the universe
What's Hard About Being a Nine
being judged and misunderstood for being placid and/or indecisive
being critical of myself for lacking initiative and discipline
being too sensitive to criticism; taking every raised eyebrow and twitch of the mouth personally
being confused about what I really want
caring too much about what others will think of me
not being listened to or taken seriously
Nines as Children Often
feel ignored and that their wants, opinions, and feelings are unimportant
tune out a lot, especially when others argue
are "good" children: deny anger or keep it to themselves
Nines as Parents
are supportive, kind, and warm
are sometimes overly permissive or nondirective
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
should i be a hawker??
i think ever since i have gotten into army, i have become... more stupid... . think its because of the environment... i need to be in an environment that constantly stimulates my braincells, to keep me thinking and to let me constantly express myself.. Being in the army, and working now (maybe its just my working environment.. or its just me) doesn't really fulfill my needs to be expressive... and creative... at least previously, i will still have a plan.. wel.. not really a plan to do stuff... but at the very least, i will try to think of a way around problems... trying to find solutions... but now... i do think that i have trouble...just trying to think... even if problems pop up at work... i generally can't really be bothered....
there are times... where i'vej ust wish that i could just resign from work.. and enroll myself... it could be anywhere... laselle.... Nafa... poly again( though i will be a super old student)... MDIS....anywhere, just so that i can interact with people on a more constant basis... and able to hold meaningful discussions with them... haiz... right now... i don't really like to talk to people that i hardly know... cause one thing is that i on't know what to talk to them about... and another thing is that i generally can't really be bothered with them... at least back then in school, i will still try to interact abit with people from different classes... sometimes... i feel inferior & dumb when she can just talk & talk & talk & talk about everything under the sun... and i will be just like" oh..is it?? haha.. ok loh... " the usual expressions... without even following thru or giving her a solution or providing her with an answer so that she can reply to... and i feel bad too.. that my choice of words are so limited... that i can't really stimulate the intellactual side of her...
maybe i should juz quit, get a license and be a hawker selling wanton mee andhor-fun.... at least hawkers interact with all types of people everyday... and no, dun ask me why i thought of selling wanton mee and hor-fun.. i've just thought of that on the spot =P
so anyway... think i have blabbered enuff today... think i should read the newspaper more often... maybe that's why i am becoming so much less articulate these few years...
there are times... where i'vej ust wish that i could just resign from work.. and enroll myself... it could be anywhere... laselle.... Nafa... poly again( though i will be a super old student)... MDIS....anywhere, just so that i can interact with people on a more constant basis... and able to hold meaningful discussions with them... haiz... right now... i don't really like to talk to people that i hardly know... cause one thing is that i on't know what to talk to them about... and another thing is that i generally can't really be bothered with them... at least back then in school, i will still try to interact abit with people from different classes... sometimes... i feel inferior & dumb when she can just talk & talk & talk & talk about everything under the sun... and i will be just like" oh..is it?? haha.. ok loh... " the usual expressions... without even following thru or giving her a solution or providing her with an answer so that she can reply to... and i feel bad too.. that my choice of words are so limited... that i can't really stimulate the intellactual side of her...
maybe i should juz quit, get a license and be a hawker selling wanton mee andhor-fun.... at least hawkers interact with all types of people everyday... and no, dun ask me why i thought of selling wanton mee and hor-fun.. i've just thought of that on the spot =P
so anyway... think i have blabbered enuff today... think i should read the newspaper more often... maybe that's why i am becoming so much less articulate these few years...
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
goodbye
Goodbye Hazel girl.... all of us will love and miss you always...
bless your parents.. and your future siblings..
goodbye...
bless your parents.. and your future siblings..
goodbye...
Sunday, March 12, 2006
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
15 more min
oh look... its 15 more min... to my birthday.... and frankly speaking... i am not looking forward to it at all..
for her... i must...
" we'll all here for you.. just cry all you want.... just cry... if it makes you feel better... we'll here...here for you...ok?..."
these were all i could muster out....while trying to comfort her....
whose tears were dropping... and dropping...
her eyes....so swollen....
her lips....peeling....
her face....devasted...utterly devasted....
it really breaks my heart to see her like that...
i still remember the time, when she went to visit me with my dad....
and they knew that i smoked... and i broke down that time... cause i really missed them...and she comforted me....
and now.... i've tried... and tried.... but...to no avail....
i feel..so useless....
i am really indeed....the most useless one......
but enough of this..
i will be there for her....especially now.... i will protect her...
these were all i could muster out....while trying to comfort her....
whose tears were dropping... and dropping...
her eyes....so swollen....
her lips....peeling....
her face....devasted...utterly devasted....
it really breaks my heart to see her like that...
i still remember the time, when she went to visit me with my dad....
and they knew that i smoked... and i broke down that time... cause i really missed them...and she comforted me....
and now.... i've tried... and tried.... but...to no avail....
i feel..so useless....
i am really indeed....the most useless one......
but enough of this..
i will be there for her....especially now.... i will protect her...
..in my arms..
....carried her in my arms..... the first, last and only thing i could do for her....as an uncle....that was...the only thing i could do.....
Monday, March 06, 2006
An ode to Hazel
we'll never know what you look like
we'll never know your face
you'll never see the world
you'll never be here
but the joy you had brought
the smile you had put on our faces
we'll all remember
all in our hearts
Goodbye Hazel girl,
goodbye our baby,
we'll never foget you
you,
who's in another world....
we'll never know your face
you'll never see the world
you'll never be here
but the joy you had brought
the smile you had put on our faces
we'll all remember
all in our hearts
Goodbye Hazel girl,
goodbye our baby,
we'll never foget you
you,
who's in another world....
6th March'06
its so god dammunfair.... how can this happen.... of all people.... it's just not right......
received a phonecall from my mum....was stunned when i heard that....tears....juz came to me.... and i had to strugle...to keep my composure...and left the office...tried to tell her abt it...but juz couldn't find the words without my eyes turning red.... even while juz typing the sms...my tears juz dropped....
reached the hospital....saw fred... could tell he was too shell shocked.... while sitting there, waiting to see wy.... i juz cried....silently letting the drops fall......and when he saw his mum...he juz broke.... and i broke too......
when i went into the room.... when i saw her.... i just borke even further.... i juz couldn't control myself..... i have never seen her like this....in my whole life... lying there...with that shattered look, and those reds eyes...and that face....oh my god.... i juz couldn't handle it.....
i felt useless.....that i can't do anything....for her.... all i could do was....to hold her hands....and wiped her teras....her neverending flow of tears....
went back with freed to collect her stuff.... when he reached the house....he broke again..... when he saw the room....it...was.....
...juz hearing his voice wants to make me cry....
juz thinking abt it....
the doc did a scan...seein litle hazel... the image.... unbearable...
i can't blog anymore about this...
why must this happen to her of all pople....why????
received a phonecall from my mum....was stunned when i heard that....tears....juz came to me.... and i had to strugle...to keep my composure...and left the office...tried to tell her abt it...but juz couldn't find the words without my eyes turning red.... even while juz typing the sms...my tears juz dropped....
reached the hospital....saw fred... could tell he was too shell shocked.... while sitting there, waiting to see wy.... i juz cried....silently letting the drops fall......and when he saw his mum...he juz broke.... and i broke too......
when i went into the room.... when i saw her.... i just borke even further.... i juz couldn't control myself..... i have never seen her like this....in my whole life... lying there...with that shattered look, and those reds eyes...and that face....oh my god.... i juz couldn't handle it.....
i felt useless.....that i can't do anything....for her.... all i could do was....to hold her hands....and wiped her teras....her neverending flow of tears....
went back with freed to collect her stuff.... when he reached the house....he broke again..... when he saw the room....it...was.....
...juz hearing his voice wants to make me cry....
juz thinking abt it....
the doc did a scan...seein litle hazel... the image.... unbearable...
i can't blog anymore about this...
why must this happen to her of all pople....why????
rojak
these 2 days have been a fucking rojak of tireness, disappointments, sadness, tears, laughters, joy, closeness.
less then a min, and some initiatives...
i feel confused... have i really changed after getting together with her?
why have most of them say that?
changed... in what ways?
my actions have been disppointing??
i should be more sensitive???
perhaps.... i have let them down....
maybe they needed me to listen, to be there for them... and i have not been able to do so...
..to fulfil this basic requirement of a friend...
haizz..
it's.... really quite sickening to hear:
" ed, you have changed after getting a gf"
"ed, i never see you much after blah blah blah"
"blah blah blah, blah blah blah"
it's all the same fucking stuff..
it's all damm fucking sickening....
i have never ever been one to ask people out...
...or call people out....
...or give phone calls to people....
maybe i shld start doing so....
...as what jo said..." it takes less then a min and some iniatives to shoe some concern..."
actually, i really do want to meet you guys out...
no matter which group of frens,,,
i really do...
just hanging outwith you guys..
drinking coffee, chit chatting...
doin crazy stuff.....
but.. i juz seems to have no time nowadays....
can iturn back the hands of time.... to that age of innocence?
where everything...was so simple,...
yes... i do really longed for those days....
why have most of them say that?
changed... in what ways?
my actions have been disppointing??
i should be more sensitive???
perhaps.... i have let them down....
maybe they needed me to listen, to be there for them... and i have not been able to do so...
..to fulfil this basic requirement of a friend...
haizz..
it's.... really quite sickening to hear:
" ed, you have changed after getting a gf"
"ed, i never see you much after blah blah blah"
"blah blah blah, blah blah blah"
it's all the same fucking stuff..
it's all damm fucking sickening....
i have never ever been one to ask people out...
...or call people out....
...or give phone calls to people....
maybe i shld start doing so....
...as what jo said..." it takes less then a min and some iniatives to shoe some concern..."
actually, i really do want to meet you guys out...
no matter which group of frens,,,
i really do...
just hanging outwith you guys..
drinking coffee, chit chatting...
doin crazy stuff.....
but.. i juz seems to have no time nowadays....
can iturn back the hands of time.... to that age of innocence?
where everything...was so simple,...
yes... i do really longed for those days....
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Shattered
1 year on,
and she's still not over him
even though she had hidden it in her heart,
and left it in a corner,
just hearing his voice,
brings her feelings and familiarity back
the tears that flowed...
the look on her face...
the confession she made....
....
.....
.....
shattered......
.....
....
...
though i may look ok...
you know...i know...
...its not...the case...
its hard...really hard....
to scale the height....that he had left...
the impression....the mountain....
its daunting....
we may be different... you may say....
he's a guy with these attributes...
and i'm another with a totally different character...
so it's unfair to compare...you said...
...
but sometimes i wonder...
... if what you're really looking for...
..is not a guy like me...
..but a man... like him...
....i will still try....
for how long... i have no idea...
...till my legs drop...
or you say it's enough...
"
and she's still not over him
even though she had hidden it in her heart,
and left it in a corner,
just hearing his voice,
brings her feelings and familiarity back
the tears that flowed...
the look on her face...
the confession she made....
....
.....
.....
shattered......
.....
....
...
though i may look ok...
you know...i know...
...its not...the case...
its hard...really hard....
to scale the height....that he had left...
the impression....the mountain....
its daunting....
we may be different... you may say....
he's a guy with these attributes...
and i'm another with a totally different character...
so it's unfair to compare...you said...
...
but sometimes i wonder...
... if what you're really looking for...
..is not a guy like me...
..but a man... like him...
....i will still try....
for how long... i have no idea...
...till my legs drop...
or you say it's enough...
"
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