what is this strange feeling that i have...

after seeing you...

this feeling of sadness...

of ...regret....

stirring within of me...

when i met you....






what is this feeling....

this funny feeling...

that I had....

while watching you ......






why does my heart feel this way....

this feeling of "what could have been..."

of "what ifs" and "if only..."




my heart broke when I heard "I miss Kj..."

because I know.... that...

...never mind.....








why am I feeling this way....

I realised that 2 days of watching tv almost non-stop can make one almost slightly retarded and mentally unstable!! Very unproductive weekend....

Jay-z and the verve- brush your bitter sweet shoulders off

excellant remix!!!

.....I really don't want to hurt her like this....because....

..no matter what... she will always have a place in my heart....

...being with her... was one of the best times of my life....

....the good times with her...the bad times with her....

...what should I do....

have I really changed?

I have always thought that I am the same old me, regardless of the circumstances around me...

all i did was to offer my advice... and all of a sudden, I have changed because of that?

haizz.....

i guess its better for her to be angry....

hope that it will make things easier for her..

...

...








... hold on man... don't tear....

don't...

if you really want to know...

yes, i do miss you at times... and i do think abt you and the wonderful times we had...

if you really wish to know...

yes, there's still hurt inside of me.... especially when I think back on that day when i cried hugging you, and when I take a long look at the toys before I go to sleep...

if you really need to know,

yes, it was a big deal for me, trying to get over you... buying a pack of sticks the first thing I left your office, to get over it...

but..

as i said mention below, i am very emotionally detched...

and furthermore, my studies, my school work, my friends, my family, my social activities,

they help me heal my wounds.

they help me to get over stuff.

i guess i am not the same old me, when i get sad and depressed for a long period of time after a breakup...

maybe its because i'm older

maybe its because i want to concentrate on my school.

maybe its because i'm beginning to enjoy my singlehood....



why did I accept your decision?

it's because I thought that it might not be a bad thing, for us to be apart, to see what we really want...

Cause I could also feel that things were not going well between us...

Cause I did not want to be your hurdle....

cause that's what I really felt...


If you make a decision like this, then i'll just accept it.

i'm not like other guys,

I wun resist, I wun fight...

if you feel that its better for us, then I give you my blessings and walk away..

maybe its only in this aspect that I am abit similar to your ex... where we'll just accept your choice...



don't compare me with other guys, please...

you know what type of person I am...

I am me, so please just accept me for who I am...

and seriously, i am much happier, being me for what I am...








so yes, I do miss you and i do think abt you...

but i guess its not as much as i thought that it will be...



I know this will cause you pain and tears...

I'm sorry again, for I know I'll make you cry again...


I never intended to bring my inner thoughts out like this...
but if you really wish to know....

I think I am so emotionally detached...I frighten myself sometimes...

Polyclinic trip

Reached home at 6++ and concussed on the bed, only to wake up at ard 9 in the morning,shivering all over....

Damm... its the return of...

FEVER KID!!!!!

Think i caught a cold while I was sleeping. A major factor of my illness would be my dearest mum, who took my blanket away to sun, while leaving me all open, "enjoying" the cold wind being blown from the fan.

Wanted to just take a shower and pop some pills before heading to bed, but Mum asked me to go and visit the doctor at the polyclinic.

So off I went, shivering all over.

When I reached the place, I was like "OMBFG!!!" It was damm bloody packed lah!!!
LEt me see... I pre-registered at abt 940am.... REGISTERED at 1030am.... waited for 2 hours plus to see the doctor....and waited for another 20 min to collect the medicine...

Fuck, i think if I was having a heart attack or something, I would have died 10 times and I would still have to carry on waiting...

And the most infuriating thing is that when it was finally my bloody turn to see the doctor, the doctor took only about 5 min to assess me and she was done.

I was like :"WTFH.... I waited for 3 hrs ++ only to get a session that lasted that short??? Not a very good investment choice..."

Painful lesson learnt: I will never ever ever ever go to the polyclinic on a Saturday anymore.